I cannot pinpoint exactly when it happened, but it changed my life forever. I guess you are probably wondering what I am referring to? I am talking about that moment when I realized what my purpose in this life was. It was service to others. Now I am not talking about some profound position that puts me in charge of others, I am referring to doing what I can to bring some peace and happiness to those who would otherwise be forgotten.
I used to wonder why it took so long for me to realize this and then it occurred to me: I could not help others until I was at a good place myself. I had to be at a place of peace and contentment. I had to really love the person that I am and be grateful for all that God has given me. I am not referring to material things, but I am talking about the ability to love, forgive, have empathy, and compassion. See, if you cannot truly love yourself, how can you really love another?
Another realization I had was I cannot expect too much from others. What I mean by that is not having high expectations of those that I love because when you project that on to them, you are allowing them to control how you feel if they do not live up to those expectations. I hope that makes sense. What I mean is I just accept people as they are, I appreciate what they are willing to give me, whether it be their time, their joy, their sorrows, their happiness. I truly appreciate whatever they are willing to share with me.
There is something very important that I had to accept and I hope that others can learn from this. I had to accept that not everyone is going to like or love me. I had to accept that some can't trust me. I had to accept that there are going to be some that will never accept me for who I am. I had to realize that it really is not about me, but it's about them. I don't hate them for it, I accept them and their feelings because I cannot change them. Does it mean that it doesn't make me sad? Of course I have my moments but that cannot define who I am or the person that I have become. It is hard being a "fixer"...that is what someone said to me the other day. I was told that because of some of my past experiences, I am a "fixer". The trouble with being a fixer is that some things just cannot be fixed and I have to accept that and move on.
This is what I do know: I can go to sleep every night and know that I am striving to fulfill my purpose in life. When I wake up every morning the first thing on my mind is what can I do today to make someone else's day happier. In turn, I know that whatever I do will make me happy too. Not a day goes by that I don't think about those that I am far away from. Others that I have no contact with any longer, I think about them all the time and wonder how they are doing, are they happy, are they at peace. I would love to hug so many that I cannot see on a daily basis and do what I can to put a smile on their face.
If I never accomplish another thing in the time that I have left on this earth, I will be forever grateful that God put me here and gave me the ability to be the person that I have become today.
These were just some thoughts that I had on my heart this morning. :)
