I know some of you will know what I am talking about when I use the term the "Message" and others will just say "what message?" I am not even sure that I truly know what the Message is really supposed to be. I know that from the time I was a young girl and visited my sister that it referred to a movement in which those who were followers of the Message were also those who believed that at one time many years ago we had a Vindicated Prophet right here in Jeffersonville. I had no reason to disbelieve that because it seemed to make sense and when I watched a film of this Prophet it mesmerized me. From that time on I would learn a little more from my sister and others, as well as reading different books entitled "The Spoken Word." Sometimes I had a hard time keeping up because they would translate from tapes and included every single word or stuttering to keep it as factual as possible.
Years went by and when I was in my late 20's I went to my first "Message" church. I remembered feeling really out of place. I walked in with a dress on that was probably above the knees and I had short hair, earrings, and make up. It was not hard to notice that I stuck out like a sore thumb because the other ladies in the church were like my sister, long hair, long skirts and no make up or earrings. I guess it was only natural that many of their children could not stop starring at me.
So I continued going there as a single mom with my two children and it seems I was drawn in to many of their beliefs and starting feeling like I needed to dress, act, and think like those who I was going to church with. It seems as though some of the deacons and the Pastor appointed themselves my leaders since I was a "single" mom that had no husband to keep me in line. I don't think I ever really fit in there because I was and still am very blunt and tend to say and do things that would shock some of the other women and men in the church.
Rather than getting into my years there and all the ups and downs, let's just say that this was just one of the many "Message" churches that I experienced over the next several years. I was really deep into all of it and then "fell" out of it and started dressing like I used to. I was never going to be one of those who continued dressing the "part" if I was not fully committed to living the way that had been preached to me over and over again.
Over the next few years I found myself once again sitting in another "Message" church. In essence starting over again and wanting desperately to fit in with others in the church. Here I am once again no longer going there (or anywhere) and dressing and living very "non-message" and wondering why it never seemed to work out for me. I knew that I loved the Lord, I knew that I wanted to be a good person and care for others and just do the best I could, but being made to feel like a failure when I couldn't seem to live up to the standards of what I was always taught that a true christian was supposed to be.
I am not writing this blog to condemn the "Message" or the Prophet that so many believe in, but just to say that true happiness and peace was always there for me for the taking, I was just looking in the wrong place. I was looking for it in a Message, a building, or with other people, when in fact, it was right in front of me the entire time. It was the realization that it was not where I went, what I believed or how I dressed or lived that was the answer, the answer was just accepting the realization that Jesus died for me and there was nothing that I could do or say that would ever change that.
He doesn't want me to dress like others, talk like others, believe like others, or go to a particular church to be accepted, He accepts me just the way he made me. He doesn't look down on me, so how can I ever look down on others? He doesn't require me to be perfect, so how can I expect that from myself or the people that I know? He doesn't want me to depend on a man or a woman to tell me what I must do to be saved, because He already saved me and all I have to do is believe that to be true.
It explains so clearly why I never found true happiness in all of those churches I attended, or why I was never going to fit in with those men and women who I spent several days a week with. It was because I was always looking left and right, when all along I should have been looking to him. Why would all of those people turn their backs on me when I stopped going, why would no one ever call me when I was going through so much confusion? I was still the same person, I still had the same heart, and compassion. I used to hear the saying from some of the ladies I went to church with about drawing a bigger circle to bring others in....why draw a circle at all??? Did not even Jesus say Come unto Me, ALL........and I will give you rest.
I love others, no matter what they say or do because that is who I am. Where do I get my forgiving heart and compassionate soul from? From Him of course.
