Everyone Gets a Trophy.....

Everyday I become more and more disheartened by the backlash from those that I know who vehemently show their hatred for Donald Trump.  There are some from my generation,  but I cannot help but notice it is coming more from the 20 to 30 something year olds.  You know the ones, those who have only been voting for a couple or three years.  Some who don’t even vote, either because they don’t have voting privileges or because they have “better” things to do.  I call this generation the “Everyone gets a trophy Generation.”  I keep asking myself, where is all this anger and bitterness coming from?   Why are these young adults turning into rude, nasty mouth, vulgar posters on Facebook?  Then I realized what it was.  Some of us have raised our children to believe they are entitled to win, no matter what.  They want their trophy!  So when that ‘trophy’ was not presented to them, they took to the streets and stomped and screamed.  They broke their toys and the toys of hard working people.  Can you blame them? That is all they know…. they are supposed to get whatever they think it is they want.  Far be it from them to think they need to listen to reason!  Why in the world would they listen to the advice of those who have lived through more than 1 or 2 Presidents????  They see things as black and white.  They didn’t get their Pot loving guy in the office, the old dude who spent months brainwashing all of those who cannot think for themselves that if he doesn’t win the nomination, they should just pick up their toys and go home…and not bother voting.  But the unthinkable happened….the man that Madonna or Stephen Colbert told them was evil, Hitler reincarnated, actually won the election.  Now, for the first time in their entitled lives they want to stomp their feet and start crying.  They do not want the Electoral Votes to count any longer.  It doesn’t matter that this was decided long ago, before their whiney little butts were even thought of by our founding fathers.  They realized on November 3, when they woke up that they could do nothing about it.  This infuriated them; they are supposed to get whatever they want.  It didn’t matter that the last President caused more racial divide in the 8 years that he was President than any other President, it didn’t matter that he pardoned a criminal who betrayed our Country and put the lives of many of our dedicated service men and women in danger, it didn’t matter that he forced them to sign up for healthcare even though they didn’t want it, he was our first Black President and that was all that mattered to them.  Now before I cause a lot of butt hurt to some that I love, if you do not fit this profile, then you won’t be offended.  And if you are, then you are just going to have to go to your room and stew for a while.  You may even have to realize that if you want changes in the years to come, you had better get out there and work your butt off and advocate for those changes.  Just because mommy and daddy gave in to your every whim does not mean you are going to get your way every time.  I am going to repeat something that one of my favorite Packers said to his team and fans…RELAX. 

HATE...

Hate.  This is a word I have been contemplating for a while now.  When you think of hate it is almost like the worst feeling you can project on yourself or someone else.  Imagine feeling so much hate for someone that you have no thought to his or her well-being.  You cannot feel anything positive towards them.  You would not shed a tear if they died.  You almost want to blame them for everything that has ever gone wrong in your life.  You want to make them suffer.  You think you are superior to them, as if they do not have the right to even be in your thoughts, your life, and your existence.  Your hate has consumed you.  This person that you feel so much contempt for could never do anything to change the way you feel.  There is no amount of time that could go by to heal any wounds; there are no words that could ever be spoken to change your all-consuming hatred of them. 

There was a time or two in my life when I felt that much hate that I just described.  I remember feeling in so much control over it, but in reality it had all the control over me.  I had my happy moments, but I could never be truly happy because I still allowed those hateful feelings to share the same space in my heart with the love.  In reality, when it came down to it, I was miserable.  I put on a good show when I had to.  I would post happy pictures on my social media.  I would re-post positive sayings that I would see on my friends pages.  I would post pictures of my kids, my grandkids, the places I would go, and the yummy food I would eat.  I would sometimes even convince myself that all was good even when I knew there was a dark place in my heart toward certain people.  One day, a very dark day that inner hate almost took my own life.  It almost convinced me that I would never truly be happy.  I blamed everyone, especially those that I hated.  It scared me.  I even wrote a letter on my computer so that those who I blamed for all the bad, would know it and would feel terrible for what I believed they did to get me to that place.  Some people say rock bottom is death, they are right, but not physical death but emotional death.  I gave up on myself, my family, society, and God. 

Obviously, it did not end there or I wouldn’t be here writing this.  Why am I still here? Because the very one that I gave up on who refused to ever give up on me was the one who saved me.  He saved me by changing my heart and filling it with Love, complete and unconditional Love for the first time in my life.  I began to have empathy for those who I hated so much.  I began to care whether they lived or died.  I was ready to put all that hurt behind me and make a difference from that day forward.  He saved me, never gave up on me, thought I was important enough to keep Loving me.  So why am I writing this, because I need Him everyday to remind me that He is still here, still protecting me, still loving me.  Recently, I felt that contempt again for a couple of people.  I wanted to hate them, to rid them of my life, my heart, and my memories.  I wanted to give up on them like I felt they gave up on me.  I wanted to lash out and to hurt them and make them suffer.  I wanted to shame them, embarrass them, and ruin them.  It scared me, I felt that darkness once again trying to consume me so I did the only thing I knew to do, I just asked God to please help me, don’t let hate win.  It was then that I realized I was incapable of hating them, no matter what.  I did care whether they lived or died.  I did not want them to suffer or be sad.  That was God’s gift to me. 

What is the Message?

I know some of you will know what I am talking about when I use the term the "Message" and others will just say "what message?"  I am not even sure that I truly know what the Message is really supposed to be.  I know that from the time I was a young girl and visited my sister that it referred to a movement in which those who were followers of the Message were also those who believed that at one time many years ago we had a Vindicated Prophet right here in Jeffersonville.  I had no reason to disbelieve that because it seemed to make sense and when I watched a film of this Prophet it mesmerized me.  From that time on I would learn a little more from my sister and others, as well as reading different books entitled "The Spoken Word." Sometimes I had a hard time keeping up because they would translate from tapes and included every single word or stuttering to keep it as factual as possible.

Years went by and when I was in my late 20's  I went to my first "Message" church.  I remembered feeling really out of place.  I walked in with a dress on that was probably above the knees and I had short hair, earrings, and make up.  It was not hard to notice that I stuck out like a sore thumb because the other ladies in the church were like my sister, long hair, long skirts and no make up or earrings.  I guess it was only natural that many of their children could not stop starring at me.

So I continued going there as a single mom with my two children and it seems I was drawn in to many of their beliefs and starting feeling like I needed to dress, act, and think like those who I was going to church with.  It seems as though some of the deacons and the Pastor appointed themselves my leaders since I was a "single" mom that had no husband to keep me in line.  I don't think I ever really fit in there because I was and still am very blunt and tend to say and do things that would shock some of the other women and men in the church.

Rather than getting into  my years there and all the ups and downs, let's just say that this was just one of the many "Message" churches that I experienced over the next several years.  I was really deep into all of it and then "fell" out of it and started dressing like I used to.  I was never going to be one of those who continued dressing the "part" if I was not fully committed to living the way that had been preached to me over and over again.

Over the next few years I found myself once again sitting in another "Message" church.  In essence starting over again and wanting desperately to fit in with others in the church.  Here I am once again no longer going there (or anywhere) and dressing and living very "non-message" and wondering why it never seemed to work out for me.  I knew that I loved the Lord, I knew that I wanted to be a good person and care for others and just do the best I could, but being made to feel like a failure when I couldn't seem to live up to the standards of what I was always taught that a true christian was supposed to be.

I am not writing this blog to condemn the "Message" or the Prophet that so many believe in, but just to say that true happiness and peace was always there for me for the taking, I was just looking in the wrong place.  I was looking for it in a Message, a building, or with other people, when in fact, it was right in front of me the entire time.  It was the realization that it was not where I went, what I believed or how I dressed or lived that was the answer, the answer was just accepting the realization that Jesus died for me and there was nothing that I could do or say that would ever change that.

He doesn't want me to dress like others, talk like others, believe like others, or go to a particular church to be accepted, He accepts me just the way he made me.  He doesn't look down on me, so how can I ever look down on others?  He doesn't require me to be perfect, so how can I expect that from myself or the people that I know?  He doesn't want me to depend on a man or a woman to tell me what I must do to be saved, because He already saved me and all I have to do is believe that to be true.

It explains so clearly why I never found true happiness in all of those churches I attended, or why I was never going to fit in with those men and women who I spent several days a week with.  It was because I was always looking left and right, when all along I should have been looking to him.  Why would all of those people turn their backs on me when I stopped going, why would no one ever call me when I was going through so much confusion?  I was still the same person, I still had the same heart, and compassion.  I used to hear the saying from some of the ladies I went to church with about drawing a bigger circle to bring others in....why draw a circle at all??? Did not even Jesus say Come unto Me, ALL........and I will give you rest.

I love others, no matter what they say or do because that is who I am.  Where do I get my forgiving heart and compassionate soul from? From Him of course.

"The Ability"

This blog is not to anyone in particular, but if you feel it could help you, than it is to you. 

I have heard someone who is near and dear to me use the term …this thing called life.  So I wanted to talk a little about that subject.  We all know that in life we have many ups and downs.  We have many joys and heartaches.  We have all been at our lowest and there have been times where we thought we had it all.

I personally have had moments in my life where I was asking God why he couldn’t have given me a different life, or why do I always get hurt by others, or why I couldn’t have been born rich.  If you were to be really honest, you have probably asked one or more of those questions to God yourself.

I am not sure exactly when it happened, but one day I discovered that my life was going to be exactly how I made it.  In other words if I couldn’t be rich, I could be happy knowing that I could pay my bills.  If I wanted to stop being hurt by others, I had to stop expecting so much of others.  If I didn’t like the life I was living, then I had to do something to change that life.  So that is what I did.

I first took inventory of all that I DO have; my husband, my children, my grandchildren, my health, roof over my head, but most important the ability.  Ability?  Yes, the ability to change the lives of others, the ability to care for others, the ability to visit others, the ability to listen to others, the ability to show love to others, the ability to pray for others, the ability to forgive others.

What really brings happiness to a person is the ability to focus on the difference they can make in the lives of others, even if it is small.  That is what changes you.  So many people are focused on self.  What I want, what I deserve, my rights, what benefits me and others be damned.  Those kinds of people will never be truly happy.  When you wake up each day with a “me” attitude and focus on getting what you want, you will never truly be happy.

When you wake up each morning, and first thank God that you woke up and focus on what can I do today to make a positive difference, your life will have purpose.  When you go to the drive thru and get your breakfast tell the cashier you want to pay for the car behind you, no matter who is driving.  When you see someone walking down the road wave to them and smile.  When you get to work and your boss or coworker comes in, tell them that they look great, or that they smell amazing.  Focus MORE on others, and LESS on yourself.  If you spend each day swimming in the sea of pity, you will never be happy.  If you dwell on all that has been done to you by others, you will be miserable.  If you whine about your terrible childhood, or your failed marriage, you will waste time that you will never get back again. 

Decide what you want out of life.  You can’t take houses, cars, jewelry, money, fake friends, etc., with you when you die.  But what you can leave here are all the memories that others will have of you and what a positive difference you made in their lives. 

What is "Real" Love?

Don’t tell me you love me, show me.  I have heard this repeated many times or I have seen it as a posting on Facebook.  I have been trying to understand what people mean by that statement.  What do they actually want us to show them to “prove” our love to them?

I am thinking that their definition of true love must be some of the following:

Always agree with me no matter what.

Never leave me out of anything you talk about.

Believe the way that I believe.

Never upset me or make me mad.

Don’t say the wrong things to me.

Never make me feel like I am being lied to.

Allow me to say or do whatever I want to you.

If that is how one shows true love for another, I think many of us will fail.  I would like to think when someone truly loves you they have the following attributes:

They don’t always agree with you but they still love you.

They are not afraid to call you out when you are in the wrong.

They are always there when you truly need them no matter what.

They accept you for who you are.

They may get mad at you but they will always forgive you.

They accept your beliefs even if they differ from yours.

They don’t expect you to be perfect.

They love you faults and all.

If you are constantly requiring of others what you yourself are not willing to give, you will be a very lonely and unhappy person.  We are all human, and that means we will all make mistakes, perhaps over and over again.  Always trying to find the worst in others or just waiting for them to make a mistake so you can cut them out of your life is hurting no one but yourself.  Thinking that everyone is out to get you is a sad way to live.  When you seem to be having problems with almost everyone in your life, perhaps the problem is with you and not them.  Stop complicating every relationship you have with others, lighten up; if you want friends, you truly have to be one.

What Would Jesus Do?

This latest controversy in the news involving Kim Davis, the County Clerk who refused to issue a marriage license to a same-sex couple has stirred some emotions within me.  There was a time I would have just hailed someone like her as a hero and a true “Christian” for standing up for her convictions.  Thank God, literally that he has softened my heart and opened my eyes up to what real Christianity is truly about.

I admire those who have strong beliefs, I have some myself and I think we all do.  I think a person should stand up for what they believe in, to a certain extent.  When you have been hired to perform certain services, you need to be willing to abide to those services to the best of your ability.  The one thing I have learned during my education towards my degree in Human Services is that you cannot allow your personal bias to interfere with your obligation to help all people in need, regardless of their sex, religious views, or even their lifestyle. 

I have heard people say they would quit their job before they would serve those who live a certain lifestyle, and that is certainly their prerogative.  What is not acceptable though, is expecting to keep a job when you do not do the job that you are expecting to be paid for.  Hailing someone a hero for defying his or her superiors is misguided.  She claims she was doing this to stand up for her beliefs and yet she would certainly be offended if an establishment refused her service because of her holiness appearance. 

This is where so-called Christians leave me disheartened.  Do they not understand that God knows their heart?  Just because you do your job and issue a marriage license to a same-sex couple, does not mean you are agreeing with their lifestyle.  Do they not understand that God will not condemn them for showing unconditional love to others, even if they are different from themselves?  Just imagine what that couple would have thought if they see this obviously holiness woman be kind to them and just give them a warm smile?  Her refusal to serve them just makes her seem prejudice and unkind.  Is that truly the message that Christians want to give to others? 

My life has become so much happier since I have opened my heart up to accept everyone for who they are.  I do not have to agree with everyone’s lifestyle to love them, and I try to leave each person I come into contact with a feeling of importance and respect.  Some will say I am just compromising, but I like to think of it as putting the “human” in human services.