FRIENDS

Everyone has their own definition of what friends are.  I recently read one person's definition;

"Friends will come and go in your life, but more important than how long a friendship lasts, is that a good friend will love you for who you are. The way you can tell the sign of a good friend is by looking at the actions they take –big and small – that show they care."

I agree with one thing, a real friend will love you for who you are.  But that goes both ways.  If you want others to accept you for who you are, you must be willing to do the same.  You cannot walk away and close the door on a friendship because your friend said something you did not like, or did something you did not like.  Real friends do not sit around and nitpick every little thing they do not like about someone or those they love.  A real friend does not use Facebook to post self-righteous posts about others constantly trying to make themselves feel better or justified in their actions.

A real friend cannot think they can say whatever they want to someone, and express what bothers them and yet becomes extremely offended when the tables are turned.  If you are going to be blatant enough to go after someone and their husband, kids, etc., be prepared for it to come back at you.  A real friend does not throw friends under the bus.  For example, you can criticize others behind their backs but when your "friend" agrees with you or puts their input you suddenly turn on them.  That is NOT a friend.

A real friend (a good person) accepts some of the responsibility when things go wrong, and does not pretend like they are completely innocent or without blame.  A real friend will accept an apology when it is given and does not allow their pride and anger to keep adding fuel to the fire.

See, there are many definitions to what a real friend are.  You can continue plastering your Facebook with as many repost as you can find, you can send people private messages, and make phone calls to try your best to convince everyone that you are the victim, but it will never take care of what the real problem is, and that is all that you are hiding and denying.  Someone does Love you, and has done more over the years to prove that by trying to help you only to be crushed time after time.  

Do you want to be happy?  You will never be happy if you continue down the path you are going.  You continue to let your pride and your bitterness to consume you.  You are going to look back one day and regret it, when it is too late.  Don't wait until you are out of opportunities to make things right, especially with yourself.

Happy or Right?

I remember Dr. Phil saying, “do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy.”  I always think about that when I see some people trying so hard to be right, or convince others how right they are, and how wrong others are.  It was not so long ago that I found myself being a miserable person.  I couldn’t stand when others seemed happy, it really irritated me.  I got to the point where I just had nothing good to say about anyone or anything.  I got to a really dark place and I needed help.  I refused to live my life like that.  I wanted to be happy, to feel content. 

With a lot of prayer, especially from some amazing friends in Virginia, and the right counseling, I found that happy place.  Do you know when I am happiest these days…when I am making others happy.  Doing service for others is what makes me feel complete.  My sister told me one day that just coming into her house with a smile on my face was all she needed.  That touched my heart!!  I don’t always say and do the right things, I mess up and I am not perfect.  But I don’t dwell on those times.  I pick up and try and do better next time.  That is what we should all do.  Stop sitting around imagining things in your head that don’t exist.  Stop thinking the world is against you. 

Posting negative repost on Facebook to try and make others look bad, what is that accomplishing?  Take all that negative energy and turn it into something positive.  Get up and do something for others without expecting anything in return.  When you go to bed at night your last thought should be what could I do in the morning to make it a great day!  Not, what is the next Google image I can find that hopefully sends a message to someone so they feel awful.  The only person you are hurting…is you.  So ask yourself…Do you want to be right….or do you want to be happy?

The Dress Code:

I have been contemplating this writing for several weeks now.  Everyone knows I love to write but I only write about something when I cannot stop thinking about it.  I was thinking about the way people dress and what it says about that person.  We have heard the saying “you can put lipstick on a pig, but its still a pig”.  This is how I feel about the way people dress.  It has taken me a long time to realize that the way someone dresses really doesn’t tell us anything about that person on the inside.  I know this because I have had friends and family with many types of styles, including different styles that I have had over the years. 

The term dressing modestly appears often on my Facebook page.  I have some Christian friends and family that believe this means women wearing dresses and skirts and men wearing only slacks.  I have always believed the same thing and have been on both sides of the fence.  I can respect that, what I have trouble with is those who ride the fence.  What I mean by that is those who dress a certain way to portray their modesty and Christianity, but inside they are vindictive, mean, gossipy, judgmental, and many times unforgiving.  Oh, they will claim they are not.  They will claim they don’t have to associate with you but they will pray for you.  They will post the most precious scriptures on their Facebook page about not judging and forgiving others.  I know because I am guilty of being part of that group in the past.  Then you have those who claim no religion but claim to be good people and profess that God loves them just the way they are.  I don’t have a problem with that either, until their actions say otherwise.  They pick and choose whom they want to be good to.  They forgive only who they want to forgive.  They believe some things are unforgiveable as if they have never done anything wrong in their lives or anything they are ashamed of.  Maybe they have not.  Maybe they are justified in the way they feel, and that is their business and no one has to answer for them, except them. 

Do you know how difficult it is for someone who wants to please God and do good for others, to see how others claim the very same thing and yet they never think of anyone but themselves?  If you ever want to see just how much goodness a Christian truly has, just cross them.  Just disappoint them.  Just be sick or going through something awful and see if those very people pick up a phone to call you or stop by to see you.  I once had a Christian criticize me for posting a picture of my daughter that they felt was inappropriate.  They proceeded to tell me I was not setting a good example for my friends on Facebook who were Christians.  What they failed to understand or see is that my daughter may dress differently than they do, she may have tattoos that they think are trashy, but she is the most loving and forgiving person I know.  She has truly, more than once, forgiven the unforgiveable.  It doesn’t always matter what you see on the outside.  You may see the most humble acting, modestly dressed, longhaired quiet person and think ‘what a sweet loving Christian she is’.  But it’s possible that behind closed doors, she is miserable.  She is vindictive, she likes to gossip and she looks down her nose at others who dress differently than she does.  So which type would you rather be around?  Someone who “what you see is what you get”, and has an amazing attitude, or that sweet humble little Christian girl or that group of “Christian sisters” who won’t give you the time of day because you are not in their click. 

I will be honest with you, I don’t care what you wear, how you wear your hair or how you live your life, I can still find a place in my heart to love you.  I will still be there if you need help or if you need me just to listen to you.  I will do this no matter how many times you have hurt me or disappointed me.  I don’t feel this way because I am better than you I feel this way because that is who I am.  I don’t know how to be any other way.  There are some of you who are reading this right now who are laughing at me, ridiculing me, and doubting my intentions and that’s okay, because I will never again allow someone else, some organization, some group to convince me that I am not a good person and worthy of all that God has to offer. 

Starting Over

It has been a while since I have had a blog, or even felt like having a blog.  I have had a real desire to start writing again.  No doubt there will be things that I write about that some people may be offended by, although not my intention.  I am hoping that my blog writings may help others who otherwise might think they are alone in their struggles and battles.  Comments will be welcome and I don't expect everyone to agree with me on all subjects, but try hard to be respectful.