What is the Message?

I know some of you will know what I am talking about when I use the term the "Message" and others will just say "what message?"  I am not even sure that I truly know what the Message is really supposed to be.  I know that from the time I was a young girl and visited my sister that it referred to a movement in which those who were followers of the Message were also those who believed that at one time many years ago we had a Vindicated Prophet right here in Jeffersonville.  I had no reason to disbelieve that because it seemed to make sense and when I watched a film of this Prophet it mesmerized me.  From that time on I would learn a little more from my sister and others, as well as reading different books entitled "The Spoken Word." Sometimes I had a hard time keeping up because they would translate from tapes and included every single word or stuttering to keep it as factual as possible.

Years went by and when I was in my late 20's  I went to my first "Message" church.  I remembered feeling really out of place.  I walked in with a dress on that was probably above the knees and I had short hair, earrings, and make up.  It was not hard to notice that I stuck out like a sore thumb because the other ladies in the church were like my sister, long hair, long skirts and no make up or earrings.  I guess it was only natural that many of their children could not stop starring at me.

So I continued going there as a single mom with my two children and it seems I was drawn in to many of their beliefs and starting feeling like I needed to dress, act, and think like those who I was going to church with.  It seems as though some of the deacons and the Pastor appointed themselves my leaders since I was a "single" mom that had no husband to keep me in line.  I don't think I ever really fit in there because I was and still am very blunt and tend to say and do things that would shock some of the other women and men in the church.

Rather than getting into  my years there and all the ups and downs, let's just say that this was just one of the many "Message" churches that I experienced over the next several years.  I was really deep into all of it and then "fell" out of it and started dressing like I used to.  I was never going to be one of those who continued dressing the "part" if I was not fully committed to living the way that had been preached to me over and over again.

Over the next few years I found myself once again sitting in another "Message" church.  In essence starting over again and wanting desperately to fit in with others in the church.  Here I am once again no longer going there (or anywhere) and dressing and living very "non-message" and wondering why it never seemed to work out for me.  I knew that I loved the Lord, I knew that I wanted to be a good person and care for others and just do the best I could, but being made to feel like a failure when I couldn't seem to live up to the standards of what I was always taught that a true christian was supposed to be.

I am not writing this blog to condemn the "Message" or the Prophet that so many believe in, but just to say that true happiness and peace was always there for me for the taking, I was just looking in the wrong place.  I was looking for it in a Message, a building, or with other people, when in fact, it was right in front of me the entire time.  It was the realization that it was not where I went, what I believed or how I dressed or lived that was the answer, the answer was just accepting the realization that Jesus died for me and there was nothing that I could do or say that would ever change that.

He doesn't want me to dress like others, talk like others, believe like others, or go to a particular church to be accepted, He accepts me just the way he made me.  He doesn't look down on me, so how can I ever look down on others?  He doesn't require me to be perfect, so how can I expect that from myself or the people that I know?  He doesn't want me to depend on a man or a woman to tell me what I must do to be saved, because He already saved me and all I have to do is believe that to be true.

It explains so clearly why I never found true happiness in all of those churches I attended, or why I was never going to fit in with those men and women who I spent several days a week with.  It was because I was always looking left and right, when all along I should have been looking to him.  Why would all of those people turn their backs on me when I stopped going, why would no one ever call me when I was going through so much confusion?  I was still the same person, I still had the same heart, and compassion.  I used to hear the saying from some of the ladies I went to church with about drawing a bigger circle to bring others in....why draw a circle at all??? Did not even Jesus say Come unto Me, ALL........and I will give you rest.

I love others, no matter what they say or do because that is who I am.  Where do I get my forgiving heart and compassionate soul from? From Him of course.

"The Ability"

This blog is not to anyone in particular, but if you feel it could help you, than it is to you. 

I have heard someone who is near and dear to me use the term …this thing called life.  So I wanted to talk a little about that subject.  We all know that in life we have many ups and downs.  We have many joys and heartaches.  We have all been at our lowest and there have been times where we thought we had it all.

I personally have had moments in my life where I was asking God why he couldn’t have given me a different life, or why do I always get hurt by others, or why I couldn’t have been born rich.  If you were to be really honest, you have probably asked one or more of those questions to God yourself.

I am not sure exactly when it happened, but one day I discovered that my life was going to be exactly how I made it.  In other words if I couldn’t be rich, I could be happy knowing that I could pay my bills.  If I wanted to stop being hurt by others, I had to stop expecting so much of others.  If I didn’t like the life I was living, then I had to do something to change that life.  So that is what I did.

I first took inventory of all that I DO have; my husband, my children, my grandchildren, my health, roof over my head, but most important the ability.  Ability?  Yes, the ability to change the lives of others, the ability to care for others, the ability to visit others, the ability to listen to others, the ability to show love to others, the ability to pray for others, the ability to forgive others.

What really brings happiness to a person is the ability to focus on the difference they can make in the lives of others, even if it is small.  That is what changes you.  So many people are focused on self.  What I want, what I deserve, my rights, what benefits me and others be damned.  Those kinds of people will never be truly happy.  When you wake up each day with a “me” attitude and focus on getting what you want, you will never truly be happy.

When you wake up each morning, and first thank God that you woke up and focus on what can I do today to make a positive difference, your life will have purpose.  When you go to the drive thru and get your breakfast tell the cashier you want to pay for the car behind you, no matter who is driving.  When you see someone walking down the road wave to them and smile.  When you get to work and your boss or coworker comes in, tell them that they look great, or that they smell amazing.  Focus MORE on others, and LESS on yourself.  If you spend each day swimming in the sea of pity, you will never be happy.  If you dwell on all that has been done to you by others, you will be miserable.  If you whine about your terrible childhood, or your failed marriage, you will waste time that you will never get back again. 

Decide what you want out of life.  You can’t take houses, cars, jewelry, money, fake friends, etc., with you when you die.  But what you can leave here are all the memories that others will have of you and what a positive difference you made in their lives. 

What is "Real" Love?

Don’t tell me you love me, show me.  I have heard this repeated many times or I have seen it as a posting on Facebook.  I have been trying to understand what people mean by that statement.  What do they actually want us to show them to “prove” our love to them?

I am thinking that their definition of true love must be some of the following:

Always agree with me no matter what.

Never leave me out of anything you talk about.

Believe the way that I believe.

Never upset me or make me mad.

Don’t say the wrong things to me.

Never make me feel like I am being lied to.

Allow me to say or do whatever I want to you.

If that is how one shows true love for another, I think many of us will fail.  I would like to think when someone truly loves you they have the following attributes:

They don’t always agree with you but they still love you.

They are not afraid to call you out when you are in the wrong.

They are always there when you truly need them no matter what.

They accept you for who you are.

They may get mad at you but they will always forgive you.

They accept your beliefs even if they differ from yours.

They don’t expect you to be perfect.

They love you faults and all.

If you are constantly requiring of others what you yourself are not willing to give, you will be a very lonely and unhappy person.  We are all human, and that means we will all make mistakes, perhaps over and over again.  Always trying to find the worst in others or just waiting for them to make a mistake so you can cut them out of your life is hurting no one but yourself.  Thinking that everyone is out to get you is a sad way to live.  When you seem to be having problems with almost everyone in your life, perhaps the problem is with you and not them.  Stop complicating every relationship you have with others, lighten up; if you want friends, you truly have to be one.

What Would Jesus Do?

This latest controversy in the news involving Kim Davis, the County Clerk who refused to issue a marriage license to a same-sex couple has stirred some emotions within me.  There was a time I would have just hailed someone like her as a hero and a true “Christian” for standing up for her convictions.  Thank God, literally that he has softened my heart and opened my eyes up to what real Christianity is truly about.

I admire those who have strong beliefs, I have some myself and I think we all do.  I think a person should stand up for what they believe in, to a certain extent.  When you have been hired to perform certain services, you need to be willing to abide to those services to the best of your ability.  The one thing I have learned during my education towards my degree in Human Services is that you cannot allow your personal bias to interfere with your obligation to help all people in need, regardless of their sex, religious views, or even their lifestyle. 

I have heard people say they would quit their job before they would serve those who live a certain lifestyle, and that is certainly their prerogative.  What is not acceptable though, is expecting to keep a job when you do not do the job that you are expecting to be paid for.  Hailing someone a hero for defying his or her superiors is misguided.  She claims she was doing this to stand up for her beliefs and yet she would certainly be offended if an establishment refused her service because of her holiness appearance. 

This is where so-called Christians leave me disheartened.  Do they not understand that God knows their heart?  Just because you do your job and issue a marriage license to a same-sex couple, does not mean you are agreeing with their lifestyle.  Do they not understand that God will not condemn them for showing unconditional love to others, even if they are different from themselves?  Just imagine what that couple would have thought if they see this obviously holiness woman be kind to them and just give them a warm smile?  Her refusal to serve them just makes her seem prejudice and unkind.  Is that truly the message that Christians want to give to others? 

My life has become so much happier since I have opened my heart up to accept everyone for who they are.  I do not have to agree with everyone’s lifestyle to love them, and I try to leave each person I come into contact with a feeling of importance and respect.  Some will say I am just compromising, but I like to think of it as putting the “human” in human services.

My Purpose

I cannot pinpoint exactly when it happened, but it changed my life forever.  I guess you are probably wondering what I am referring to?  I am talking about that moment when I realized what my purpose in this life was.  It was service to others.  Now I am not talking about some profound position that puts me in charge of others, I am referring to doing what I can to bring some peace and happiness to those who would otherwise be forgotten.

I used to wonder why it took so long for me to realize this and then it occurred to me: I could not help others until I was at a good place myself.  I had to be at a place of peace and contentment.  I had to really love the person that I am and be grateful for all that God has given me.  I am not referring to material things, but I am talking about the ability to love, forgive, have empathy, and compassion. See, if you cannot truly love yourself, how can you really love another?

Another realization I had was I cannot expect too much from others.  What I mean by that is not having high expectations of those that I love because when you project that on to them, you are allowing them to control how you feel if they do not live up to those expectations.  I hope that makes sense.  What I mean is I just accept people as they are, I appreciate what they are willing to give me, whether it be their time, their joy, their sorrows, their happiness.  I truly appreciate whatever they are willing to share with me.

There is something very important that I had to accept and I hope that others can learn from this.  I had to accept that not everyone is going to like or love me.  I had to accept that some can't trust me.  I had to accept that there are going to be some that will never accept me for who I am.  I had to realize that it really is not about me, but it's about them.  I don't hate them for it, I accept them and their feelings because I cannot change them.  Does it mean that it doesn't make me sad?  Of course I have my moments but that cannot define who I am or the person that I have become.  It is hard being a "fixer"...that is what someone said to me the other day.  I was told that because of some of my past experiences, I am a "fixer".  The trouble with being a fixer is that some things just cannot be fixed and I have to accept that and move on.

This is what I do know: I can go to sleep every night and know that I am striving to fulfill my purpose in life.  When I wake up every morning the first thing on my mind is what can I do today to make someone else's day happier.  In turn, I know that whatever I do will make me happy too.  Not a day goes by that I don't think about those that I am far away from.  Others that I have no contact with any longer, I think about them all the time and wonder how they are doing, are they happy, are they at peace.  I would love to hug so many that I cannot see on a daily basis and do what I can to put a smile on their face.

If I never accomplish another thing in the time that I have left on this earth, I will be forever grateful that God put me here and gave me the ability to be the person that I have become today.

These were just some thoughts that I had on my heart this morning.  :)

Best Kept Secret

I just finished watching a documentary called “Best Kept Secret”.  It was about a New Jersey high school teacher that dedicates herself to helping a group of autistic students overcome obstacles and plan for life after graduation.  Although there were parts that were very inspiring and uplifting, by the end of the film I had so many mixed emotions: sadness, bitterness, frustration, etc.  Let me explain why. 

The teacher that is portrayed in this has some very unique qualities.  She is the type of teacher that you wish all teachers could aspire to be like.  She proved she was not in this for the money, but because she genuinely cares about her students.  Most of the students in this film were teenagers or older and faced some real challenges such as the ability to communicate or to care for themselves.  She did not just stick them in a room and let them color, stare into space, etc., she actually worked one-on-one with them and tried to encourage them to communicate, to do things on their own, and to make the right choices.  This was all very uplifting and encouraging.

What I found to be very discouraging was the fact that she did not have more help.  It seems as though in a class of that size with so many needs they would have several teachers so all of the responsibility did not fall on one person.  Also, the Principal, to me was not very encouraging either.  She basically said, after they graduate from here you have to let go and not worry what happens to them.  I disagree!! 

The teacher did all she could to try and help the caregivers find the right place for them to go after graduation.  The choices were very limited and only one place offered transportation.  She could not help but notice that most of the places did not focus on the students one-on-one and none of them worked on continuing the hard work that teachers like her put into the students while they were in school.

One of her past students had actually regressed and you could tell that it really affected her, to know that she put so much work into teaching him communication skills, coping skills, independence, and to see him now being non-verbal, erratic, and unable to be independent.  She realized that most of the caregivers were going to choose the facility where her former student was at just because they offered transportation.

This infuriates me.  When I think of all the money that is being wasted in the government.  When I think of all the celebrities that spend more on a home than these schools could ever hope to get in a lifetime!!  I read where Katy Perry grossed something like $153 million dollars last year, and these students cannot even go to good day care centers because their families cannot afford transportation. 

One of the students was able to work at Burger King because his teacher advocated for him.  But in the credits afterwards, you see he lost his job because he could not find a sponsor to oversee him on a weekly basis.  These are forgotten human beings.  Once they are out of the school system they are just tossed aside.  Some of them have families to stay with, but what happens to those who have no one?  What happens to those whose mother dies or their caregivers cannot afford to take care of them any longer?  I guess they just get put in state institutions. 

How very sad and very frustrating it is that any human being, no matter what their disability cannot have a happy and productive life because there is not enough funding or because there are not enough good teachers to go around.  Just turn your TV on and watch how much wasteful spending goes on everyday. 

I know there are a lot of people who are not even going to give this writing a second thought, and some who probably won’t even read it.  Many people don’t care about special needs children unless it has directly affected their own family.  My son has Type 1 Diabetes, my grandson is autistic and I suppose that is why I am speaking about this.  Please don’t wait until something happens to someone you love before you do what you can to help those in need.  Look at your happy, healthy children and grandchildren and be thankful, but remember there are so many others out there who you could help, even in a small way. 

Really....please Educate yourself

My son was diagnosed at the age of 2 and I have to admit we did not know that much about Type 1 Diabetes.  Like typical America, diabetes was always associated with overweight people who do not take care of their health.  If they lose weight, the diabetes goes away.

Well, don't we all wish it was that way.  I know my 13 year old son would be happy to change his diet or stop eating certain foods if it meant never having to stick his sore little fingers again or dropping so low that he feels like he cannot stand up.

My husband and I were just out with our son eating Chinese.  We were talking about what life would be like for him if someone would just come up with a cure.  He said "mom I would just be happy if they came up with a painless way to check my blood, like running a laser over my arm that takes the blood sugar automatically."

I told him that I wish I could donate my pancreas to him so that he could live his life like a normal little boy.  My husband said you can't live without a Pancreas.  I said I would just have to take insulin, and I would do that for my son in a heartbeat.  I know many of you parents would do that without a thought.

After all these years we still get the ...I don't want to say stupid, but uneducated questions and comments.  "Is it hard on him not to be able to eat sweets?"  "How long will he have to be like this?"  "Did he get the diabetes from you or your husband?"  "Does he have to go to a special school for his disease?"  How many of you have had to deal with some of these same questions.  There is so much information out there now about Type 1 Diabetes that it is hard for me to believe that people can still be so clueless???

I love the shocked looks on people's faces when I tell him it is okay for him to have some candy or a cupcake as long as he bolus' for them.  I guess since he is diabetic I should never allow him to have anything "normal" kids have.  Of course we don't get that opportunity very often.  It seems as though my son doesn't have many friends and I just don't get it?  He is a great kid, a smart kid.  Problem is I guess the parents of some of his old friends just didn't want their sons "catching" what he has.  Or they didn't want to have him over because something might happen to him and they would "freak out".  

My husband and I work so hard to try and make Jacob feel normal.  If only I could get everyone else on board who seem to go out of their way to make him feel like some kind of freak???